The Sex Cartoonist not Having Sex
My Sahara-like dry spell in my most vulnerable letter yet
Hi Cool Dancers!
The rumors are true: your favorite sex-toonist is currently in the midst of a dry spell and I’m here to spill the tea.
As the creator of Vanillacooldance, I've been drawing about my sex life for nearly 8 years, so finding myself in this situation feels ironic—but also very human.
This may be the most intimate thing I’ve shared yet. After several drafts and some introspection (thanks to my therapist’s insights), I’m ready to let you in.
So let’s do this together. Breathe in. Breathe out. Here we go.
Lately when I think about sex, all I see is a big flashing neon sign in front of my vulva “WE ARE CLOSED, BETTER LUCK TOMORROW.” I feel stuck. Blocked. Caught between desiring something, but not enough to go out of my way to get it. Sound familiar?
When I share the news of my dry spell, the reactions are intriguing. Single friends nod sympathetically, as if sharing a secret code: 'I get you, babe.' Coupled friends even offer knowing looks—because let's face it, sexual stalemates happen in relationships too. But the most surprising reactions come from my fellow sexperts and sex educators, who incredulously say, 'You can have sex whenever you want, Jess… do you need us to help you?'
This got me thinking: maybe dry spells aren't about a lack of options but a mental hurdle. And it’s true, maybe an unpopular point of view, but I truly believe that if you just want to get laid there are ways. And there are even apps like Feeld or Pure that help facilitate this.
And while I feel pretty at peace with my self-proclaimed ‘closed for business’ status — after all, studies show that dry spells can lead to personal growth, stronger friendships and even increased happiness— there’s a part of me that’s uneasy. Because let’s be real, I love sex.
The deep connection, the total surrender. To be desired, devoured. The anticipation that builds throughout the day, the unexpected flashbacks that flush your cheeks and have you crossing your legs. Pleasure is a rabbit hole, and I want to discover every bit of it.
When look back on my last relationship, it was probably the greatest sex of my life — scratch that, it was the greatest of my life. It feels scary to write that on the internet, but in the spirit of radical honesty, let’s not beat around the bush.
As I close my eyes now, I can still remember the way he felt when he slipped inside me.