I Hired a Dom

Happy World BDSM Day, you kinky beasts!

Did you know that up to 70% of people fantasize about BDSM? That’s a whole lotta secretly (or not-so-secretly) kinky minds dreaming about whips, roleplay, and a healthy dose of power play.

So in honor of World BDSM Day I’m finally sharing something I’ve been dying to talk about:

I hired a professional Dom. Going all in with both a call and a real-life session. And the juicy details? I’m sharing them exclusively here.

This is one of those experiences where my personal curiosity and my job collided. When I first met the founder of CHOICE — an app for paid intimacy and companionship — we instantly hit it off. I was fascinated by how they’re working to make pleasure-based experiences safer and more intentional for both providers and clients. Our conversation really changed the way I thought about sex work, what we consider ‘wellness' and how to explore your sexuality safely and on your own terms.

We started talking about a possible collab. But if I was going to introduce the platform to my audience, I needed to make sure it was real for me. And that it was something I would really use. So I asked myself, Would I actually pay for something on here?

And the answer was yes!

Because I’d been curious about BDSM for a long time. Ever since I discovered I liked being ‘safely’ choked and tied up. I’d dabbled with partners, had some amazing experiences, even stepped into my dominant side at a BDSM party which taught me so much about myself (you can read about it here). But this time, I wanted to explore my submissive side. And I wanted to do it safely. With someone who really knows what they’re doing.

I was really excited to understand myself better and was looking for insight. I wanted to understand the psychology behind it. I was curious about pain. About power. About whether this kind of surrender could help me unlock a repressed, playful part of myself. Maybe even heal something I didn’t know needed healing.

So I started the search. And it was... a trip.

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The Squirt Master

At first, I was set on finding a male Dom. But I was surprised by how few were on the app. The ones who were there often catered to male clients (although you can also book them!) The reason why there are fewer male-to-women providers is….DUH…it’s still not as normalized for women to hire these services. So it actually makes a lot of sense. Eventually I found someone based in Berlin who ran a BDSM academy but also did private sessions and apparently a certified Squirt Master. His intake form was... hmm... intense, for lack of a better word.

Electro, needles, fisting!? Cut to me freaking the fuck out.

So I had QUESTIONS. I got on a call with him and his wife (who helped translate) and they were super professional and warm. We laughed a lot on the call. They explained that a first-time session would be gentle, within my boundaries, and that they take things slowly so clients never feel pushed. That it is always better to do less and leave wanting more. Than to push your limits and get traumatized. This already made me feel really safe.

But every time I asked about why I might be into certain things or how I could use this to understand myself better, they said, "That’s for you to figure out. We just provide the service."

Later, I found out that this more service- or act-oriented approach is actually pretty common. A lot of people who hire a Dom do have specific acts, scenes, or fantasies they want played out. It just wasn’t what I was looking for.

So something in me hesitated. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust them (I think they would have provided an incredible and very safe physical experience), but because I wanted something different. Later I’d discover that I probably was looking for ‘soft dom.’ This wasn’t about checking off a kinky bucket list for me. I really wanted an emotional experience. And as much as I wanted to say yes to the squirt master BDSM academy owner (out of ego, scarcity, the feeling of "if I don’t do this, am I not as shameless as I think?" out of '“What if I never get the opportunity to work with a BERLIN SQUIRT MASTER!?!?!?!?!?!”) — But I checked in with my body. Went for a walk. And realized the answer was no.

And the moment I said no, I felt immense relief. Pride, even. I didn’t overthink it. I felt it. And I tuned into my BOUNDARIES.

Enter: The Siren

That’s when I started expanding my search to include women and non-binary providers. And that’s when I found The Siren!

She offered an intro call, and the moment we got on Zoom, I felt a beautiful click. She had this lilac wall behind her, and a grounded sensuality in her presence that made me feel safe.

We talked about power. About why it's so hard for women to surrender. About how neurodivergent folks often feel drawn to BDSM because it can help quiet their mind. We talked about brats, doms, subs, rope bunnying, playfulness, consent. And she asked great questions. What kind of power dynamics have felt good for me in the past? What do I fear? What do I crave?

I learned so much. Like: I’m definitely a brat (which according to the BDSM world can be controversial…because as I’m starting to learn in any niche world there are still judgements and people love to pick a side and have a label, so maybe in this world that label is Sub OR Dom).

But I like being in the middle :) I enjoy the tension. I like being told what to do, but also pushing back. I learned that humiliation and pet play make me deeply uncomfortable, and not just because they’re "not my thing," but because they hit something buried in me.

For humiliation it’s definitely a core wound. I hate cruelty or making fun of others, I’m guessing because I was made fun of a lot myself when I was younger. As for pet play or being more of an animal, this is a part of myself I don’t let out. I feel a LITERAL wall and ultimate CRINGE when I think of it. It reminds me of improv which makes me wonder if this is something I’ve spent a lifetime repressing or putting down. And is it something worth exploring to let out? Or am I just fine with it how it is.

I’ve probably spent years people-pleasing. I struggle to receive. To FULLY receive. To receive without giving back equally — in sex, in work, in dating. That little voice in my head: "Are you doing enough? Shouldn’t you be giving back?" But lately, I’ve been craving the opposite. Letting go, or being made to let go. Being taken care of. Being guided. Not having to figure it all out.

I left the call with The Siren really clear on the things I wanted to explore next.

Rope bunnying - aka shibari (because you can be tied up…but also wiggle around to make it difficult for them ;)

Pain with pleasure

Bratting.

...And that's where I'll leave you for now.

I'm sharing the full story of my physical session with the crops, the revelations, and what it actually felt like to surrender, in a second post just for my paid community.

If you're as curious as I was, I'd love for you to join us.