I Always Thought Meeting An Ex for Closure Was A Bad Idea...Until I Did It

As a major proponent of going no-contact, I’ve always been steadfast in my belief about meeting an ex for closure: Don’t do it. But what if I was wrong?

Hi Cool Dancers!

I’ve always believed that “The only person who can give you true closure is yourself.”

That’s exactly what I told myself after my last breakup. After all, the breakup wasn’t a complete surprise; we had time to talk things through, and we parted ways with compassion and respect.

So I spent the next few months working on myself—journaling, traveling the world, and exploring new hobbies. Yet over time, the story that I had originally told myself about the breakup started to change for the worse.

Anxieties, fears, and questions crept in, and suddenly, my healing journey became riddled with rumination. Instead of a gentle wave of grief that washed over me, it felt more like a storm, filled with obsessive thoughts and my mind ping-ponging back and forth over the same things.

So, when I found myself in tears in my coach’s office, revisiting those thoughts for what felt like the hundredth time, a flippant comment slipped out of me: “Maybe I just need to see him and ask my questions.” My coach replied simply, “Well, why don’t you?” Suddenly, my entire body snapped into focus.

“You’re kidding me,” I thought, feeling a mix of disbelief and curiosity. How could she suggest something I had always dismissed? My mind raced through all the reasons why meeting him would be a terrible idea. Wouldn’t it just reopen old wounds? Wouldn’t I seem weak and pathetic? What if I ended up feeling worse than before? Isn’t the whole point of going no contact just that? To go. No contact.