Drop your Expectations, Up your Standards, and Set Fucking Boundaries

How letting go of unrealistic expectations will change your love life, and how to create boundaries & standards that actually work for you.

Hi Cool Dancer!

Understanding the difference between boundaries, standards, and expectations has been a game-changer for how I show up in dating and relationships—and how to set them constructively.

Social media has turned these concepts into buzzwords—but in doing so, we’ve swung to extremes. We’re now quicker to divide, expecting perfection from everyone. It’s even fueled a 'drop them immediately' mindset, leaving no room for people to adapt or improve.

But healthy relationships don’t come from rigid rules. They come from mutual understanding, communication, and a little flexibility.

So, WTF is the difference between these concepts, and how can you use them to build connections and empower you? LFG!

FIRST, What are standards vs. expectations?

Expectations are the unspoken rules we impose on others, often leading to disappointment when they don’t meet our demands. They’re rooted in a desire to control how others behave.

Standards, on the other hand, are your personal non-negotiables—what you need to thrive in a relationship. They reflect your self-worth and help you determine if someone aligns with your values.

A quick example:

• Expectation: "He would text me every day if he cared."

• Standard: "I need a partner who communicates openly and consistently."

Understanding these differences will protect your energy and save you from unnecessary frustration.

So grab your coffee or wine, and read on for steps to release unrealistic expectations, set strong boundaries, and raise your standards to kickstart your 2025 love life! Plus, a Cool Dancer Challenge to help you take immediate action toward healthier, empowered connections.